Rant #1

Seeing as how I have not uploaded a post in over a month, I am going to apologize to myself for that right now. Self, I am sorry that I am lame and lazy and too much of a little shit to write something that would help me understand myself later on in life. That is what this blog is whether it seems like it or not. I write these posts so that I can come back and re-experience my life in order to better comprehend my feelings at that moment; so that I can come back and reflect on all the things that interested me and troubled me or just the random crap flowing around my brain.
I have wanted to upload a post about twenty times but I did not obviously. I quashed my own spirits. Whenever there was something that I wanted to rant about or comment about I chose not to. I held myself back. I could give a reason why I did this but I'm trying to overcome the negative parts in my life. Lately, I have not been myself and I do not like being what I'm not. My life is unraveling while things are flying at me at the speed of light. I am overcome and I cannot handle it. It hurts to be this confused.

But, that brings me back to the reason for which I write this blog. Times like this when I am hurting and confused and doubting my future. I can not elaborate on my thoughts because I have no words for them. This whole post is just me rambling and spewing out my feelings. There is no order because I am writing it as it comes out. It is release! Exhale. My fingers hurt as I type this because I think it is the fastest that I have typed in my life. I cannot stop until everything is out so I'm sure this will be rather long.

Now to begin one of my rants: I am pissed (not drunk, angry) because of the politics and the people in our so-called free country. Now, I am not gay so I cannot speak for gays and lesbians, but if I were a lesbian, I would be thoroughly pissed (angry) about the 31 states banning gay marriage. That's just frickin' crap. I would say that about 60% of my friends are gay and lesbian and it brings me to tears to know that they cannot get married in their own country. In their free country that supposedly everyone wants to move to because they would have a better chance at life. That's bull! Some people are able to get over it and accept it, but I can't. I cannot just sit aside and watch the people that I love be told that just because they "choose" to be with someone of the same gender that they do not have the right to confirm that relationship and be together officially or under god (depending on what you believe). For one, it is not a choice to be gay you egotistical, act-like-you-know-it-all bastards. To me, it seems like they are making gay and lesbian relationships seem like some high school fling that doesn't deserve the right to make official that relationship. I am sorry if this offends anyone but I cannot have all of this stuff just tumbling around in my mind all day, every day, haunting me.

Maybe that is why I am having word vomit. I have too many thoughts and annoyances in my mind that, because I have held them back, they have decided to escape and wreak havoc on my blog.

P.S. I am thinking of uploading videos on YouTube to accompany my blog. It's just an idea. It will not be as bad as this post is, I promise. J